Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Never assume... never take for granted...

Being away from my family I have to admit that at times I put too much stock on people I barely know, people that often disappoint me, who assume constantly wrong about me and who take me for granted over and over again. I would give my right leg to be close to my family and be near people who truly give a hoot, and it really irks me when people who do have their family nearby who do their best to ignore them and spend as little time as possible with them.

It's okay, it's par for the course, I always remind myself I chose this, I moved away, and normally I would brush it off, but lately it seems as if I am the one that has to keep everyone in good spirits and I feel discouraged about life as a whole. Yet, I march on. I don't have time to worry about my stupid feelings, I have a son who is THIS CLOSE to giving up about life-who just wrote me the most heart-wrenching email, telling me I am the only person that cares about him and how "he's the stupidest person ever to come into this foul cruel world called Earth". I can't exactly blame him for feeling this way. He feels alone, left out. He has no friends, his grandmother hasn't seen him in 10 years, my family in Italy is closer to him than his family here, and that's saying something. All I can do is hug him and tell him how special he is... not sure what else to do. He matters to ME. He may not matter much to anyone else but he matters to ME.

Greg has his moments as well. I am very proud of the way he's usually in a good mood, but more often than not I can't help but feel for him because he's such a different person than he was a year ago and he's also quite alone.  He's always been a loner anyway, but he had hoped some people would have reached out more to him, but he's also realizing he's been taken for granted and he's developing a relationship with Connor that's quite remarkable because of it. The stroke has left him very emotional, doubtful about himself, doubtful about the future. He has a lot of fears that I always try to calm. Storms I try to appease. At times he gets angry, he forgets things. When there are no words, there are always hugs.

Things can only get better, right? I've been listening to books of Abraham-Hicks after the suggestion of one of my professors last year and I try CONSTANTLY to look for the silver lining... the law of attraction, positive thinking... When my school year is over in 2 weeks I will make a vision board to further help my quest for positivity. Negative, selfish people can expect to be avoided. I don't have time for BS.

I just wish I would get some positive news about this transplant for Nicky. Truly, my mood would INSTANTLY go from 0 to 60. Nicky NEEDS some good news for goodness sakes!!! NOW!!! I cry thinking the Medical Group may deny it and how mad I am going to be. I talked to a lawyer and she said that if the transplant is FDA approved they can't deny it! Right. She's talking to the denial queen. I am constantly denied everything for Nicky. Nicky was denied bandages for 12 years!!! I am the one that has to jump through hoops constantly to get things for Nicky that other parents never even have a minimum issue with it. Why should the transplant be any easier?

My next quest for positivity... I am awaiting an email that I hope will come with an invite to attend the American Idol finale! Nicky really needs this, my sanity needs this. Is it asking too much?

Tuesday, May 04, 2010

More Cecil Beaton...

I did my presentation on Cecil Beaton for my History of Photography class, so here's more of the photos I used for it... I hope you enjoy!~

Greta Garbo

Orson Welles

Marilyn Monroe

Gary Cooper

Barbra Streisand

Audrety Hepburn-Cecil also designed her costume, which won him an Academy Award

Queen Elizabeth II - Cecil was a favorite of hers