Wednesday, February 04, 2004

Well well well... I learned something about myself today and I am not sure how I feel about it.
I was entering just another online sweepstakes (my secret passion, I love winning stuff!) and this particular sweeps asked what Reality TV show I was currently watching... Hmmm... The Apprentice... check... American Idol... check... The Bachelorette... check... America's Next Top Model... check... My big fat obnoxious fiancee'... check... Average Joe... check... Survivor... check.
Did I really check all of them? OMG. I must be the reality show Queen!
This made me start thinking about my viewing habits and how they've changed over the years. I used to really like dramatic shows, but nowadays the only drama I can handle is CSI and CSI Miami and Whitout a Trace. I do watch Star Trek, of course, but other than that... it's all comedies. Friends, Frasier, Sex and the City are musts (and they are all ending this season! Booo!!!), and then there's Raymond, Still Standing, Life with Bonnie, Hope and Faith, Yes Dear, 8 simple rules and I could go on... I watch them all. I didn't used to be such comedy and reality show freak until I lost Alex. At first I felt like I lost all interest in everything when he died, but slowly I started realizing there was nothing better than a laugh to make my life just a little more bearable, so that's when it started. While I always watched Star Trek, it's only been since 2001 that I started watching a drama (CSI), so it took me 6 years from Alex's death to be able to come out of my 'shell' so to speak. Over the years I tried to start watching dramas, but somehow I could only do it if there was someone else watching that show.. whatever show..., wether it was Touched by An Angel, ER or the X-Files. But if I was by myself at home, I would not watch those shows.
I had read somewhere that it takes 9 years for a parent to.. not get over (because we'll never get over it) but to regain somehow that happiness that we used to have before our baby died. Well, on March 1st it will be 9 years. Am I almost as happy as I used to be before Alex died? Hmmm... I must say, Connor helped a lot in that respect. Greg did too. Without them, I am not sure I could say I was happy. Nicky makes me happy, but he also makes me sad with all his health problems... Life can really suck!