Saturday, July 31, 2010

NEED good news please... anyone?

I am having one of those days. One of those days where I *NEED* good news. I need cheering up. Anyone? Something? Anything?

There are several things in regards to Greg's mobility that scare me. If we can't get Greg mobile and independent SOON, Nicky might suffer severe consequences. Why you might ask? Here we go. Ready?

1. Greg might lose his job=lose his insurance. Isn't that beautiful? Without insurance, there is no transplant for Nicky. Even if Nick starts covering Nicky with his own insurance (which I know he will, not even a small question), the new insurance might not cover the transplant or other things, such as the surgeries and bandages Nicky needs. I need not remind that Greg needs insurance himself. Have I mentioned the nightmares the Insurance companies have put me through the past 13 years since Nicky was born? No? Just wait until I finish my book. Your jaw will drop. With Greg losing his job we'll lose not only the isurance, but the house and everything else that goes with it. Forget, once again, me trying to go to College, I will need to get a full time job somewhere while being a 24/7 caregiver for both Nicky and Greg. Fantastic! Nervous breakdown? Here I come.

2. Even if Greg does not lose his job, if he needs me here to care for him, this means I cannot take Nicky to have his transplant. I am uncertain if Nick can just take him-afterall, I am Nicky's primary caregiver, and it's unlikely that Nick can take 5 months off work. Without the transplant, it's not a question IF Nicky will pass away form EB, but WHEN.

To be honest, I am sick and tired of CRAP happening to my life I have NO CONTROL over. Alex's death? I certainly didn't cause that. Nicky's EB? I didn't cause that either. Greg's strokes? Not only I didn't cause it, I really do not blame Greg for that either. Greg was a runner, he was a healthy man all his life, always eating well. Maybe not as well as he should have, his BP and cholesterol was slightly high, but he wasn't overweight by any stretch of the imagination and he was active. I see all these obese people getting drunk or high on a regular basis, eating hamburgers and french fries all the time, much older than us, yet, nothing happens to them, and they all have healthy kids and I want to know WHERE IS THE JUSTICE IN THAT? Why am I the ONLY person in the family with a dead child? Why am I the ONLY person in the family with a disabled child? Why am I the ONLY person in the family with a disabled husband? Why does every CRAPPY thing have to happen to ME?

God better have a good reason and a good answer for me when I reach the perly gates, that's all I have to say.

THank you for letting me vent! I feel better now. Waiting patiently for my mood to improve. Maybe talking to my mom and dad will help-I will go call now.



Blessed x3 said...

Silva, I know it is hard. You are in the shoes my husband is in. Disabled daughter, disabled wife. Nothing going right. Shawn (my husband) came home tonight from work & I was stuck on my recliner not able to walk/move. The pain in my left leg was (& still is) awful. I told him I am ready to go to the ER. He knows when I say that it is bad. Beyond bad. Of course the ER wouldn't be able to do anything & it would be a waste of time & money so here I sit. Sorry, no good news here. Wait, maybe I do. In a few weeks, we are leaving to go see a good friend of my. She has had a rough year. I have adopted her as my little sister. We are only going for a few days & we are only 8 hours from her.

I really hope Greg doesn't lose his insurance. You are so close. I wish I was closer to you so I could help you.

Good news is around the corner. Believe! I have a blog on here, too. I use it to vent. No family members of my know about it. =) I just started it a few weeks ago.