I feel the weight of the world this morning, so I am forcing myself to write this entry to think of more 'lighter' things. All my favorite reality shows are over for the time being, so as good therapy for myself, as very boring thing for anyone reading this, I will post my comments here below!

THE APPRENTICE
I really liked Bill and I am glad he won, but I am not sure he really 'deserved' to win. I feel like he stayed under the radar for the whole show, not doing anything particularly bad, nor anything particularly brilliant either. I really liked Amy and Nick, even Troy to me was a better choice to win the show (even though he had no degree, to me that was a non-issue), all these three showed a go attitude and were willing to do anything to get ahead. They had brilliant ideas and many times it was their ideas that won challenges for them. Oh well. What about OMAROSA you might ask? Let's not ask! LOL. I think she is one lying b**** that decided to play the race card as so many black people do when they are out of ideas on how to defend themselves for their behavior... they just have to blame others. I find this behavior awful. Even Oprah looked dismayed!!! That says it all. She did not deserve her 15 minutes of fame, and sadly, some soap opera hired her so we will get to see her more. HAPPY HAPPY JOY JOY! OMAROSA GO AWAY!!!

THE BACHELOR
I thought Jesse was very cute, although not really my type, but I also found him to be more blind and gullible than most. He asked his best friend to 'spy' but then when she tells him how awful Trish Trash was, he keeps her around anyway? I didn't get that. Trish is yet another Omarosa... lies lies lies!! She, like her Apprentice counterpart did everything she could to make the other girls look bad, and in the end, she looked even worse! My guess is she won't get a soap opera gig and thank goodness for that! As usual I did not agree with the final pick... it's really bizarre. With the first bachelor (Alex) I thought Trista was a much better choice than the girl he picked (oops... forgot her name) and, what a surprise, it didn't last. Then with Aaron (what a cutie!) I also thought that he should have picked the blonde instead of the brunette... the brunette (sorry, I can't remember their names) was a bit too stuck up in my view, too full of herself... their relationship did not last, what a surprise. Andrew was the only bachelor that picked the 'right' girl in my view. While their relationship hit the skids anyway, it did last longer than most and they are still very good friends as I hear. What to say about Bob? I thought he also picked the wrong girl in the end, and their relationship didn't really last either. I was not surprised.
I wish Jesse well, but I think Tara showed to be more in love with him than the other blonde he chose and felt she was a better match for him. But, what do I know?

SURVIVOR
I didn't see every minute of this show as I did the others, but I saw enough to root for RUPERT and to wonder how Boston Rob was not getting booted off. He was playing dirty games and false alliances with everyone and he played everyone for fools, and in the end he wins the girl who won the million? I don't get it. He only won because the others believed him, and he played everyone for fools. I guess if the others didn't win they deserved not to win because they were gullible enough! Not sure what else to say... I will not watch the wedding if it's televised, Boston Ron disgusted me and I doubt my opinion will change anytime soon. While I understand that this is a 'game', I also know that there is something to be said about decency and honor, which he had neither. BLAH.

AMERICAN IDOL
This is by far my favorite 'reality' show. I love Kelly Clarkson and adore Clay Aiken. I have both their albums. I even have Justin Guarini's album (apparently I am one of the few?) and I actually thought it was really, really good!! I don't understand why it didn't sell.. then again, I love and even own the DVD of the movie From Justin to Kelly while many people didn't care for it (and the critics killed) but, hey, I guess that's just me.
This season was not as good as the last in my view, probably because I felt that there wasn't enough diversification. This season there were no strong male vocalists and the top 3 contenders (in my view-Fantasia, Jennifer and LaToya) were basically similar in their talent and ultimate place in the music world. Last season the top 4 were very different from each other, Josh Gracin was 'country' (and I will be buying his album when it comes out tomorrow) Kimberly Locke was pop/soul, Clay pure pop and Ruben pure soul. Having said that, I am happy that Fantasia won, and even though I felt that Jennifer and LaToya could have won as well and got booted off the show way too early, at the same time I do believe that Fantasia was the most talented of them all. She did give me chills afterall!

Manipulating a disability post into something political?



Yes, that is what happened this past couple of days and it has gotten me furious.
I received an email the other day about Bush taking away Closed Captioning for the deaf and to sign a petition. My ex-father in law, a dear sweet man I will never forget who died a few years ago, was deaf following a bomb exploding near him in Vietnam. To say that he relied to closed captioning is an understatement. There wasn't much he could do so he watched a lot of television. My son also uses closed captioning 24/7 to learn how to spell, so... I signed the petition, no brainer. I then forwarded the message to everyone I know including other lists so they would be aware of this travesty and sign the petition too.

What happened after that is baffling. For one, a relative that never replies to me (not even to say how cute Nicky or Connor are in the pictures I send him) immediately went on the Bush defense and stated that not only he thought it was a hoax, but that this had nothing to do with Bush but congress. Hmmm? Doesn't Bush sign or vetoes this sort of things? Whatever.

For two... I have a few mailing lists that I moderate, and there are three taboo subjects, politics, religion and abortion. I did that to basically 'keep the peace' on lists that have nothing to do with politics, religion or abortion per se.
When I forwarded this post to sign the petition to keep closed captioning, everyone on miscellaneaous lists thanked me for letting them know about it and either signed or basically I assume, ignored the email. But not on my high school reunion list. No sirreee.... While one classmate thanked me and signed it, a group of others, one after the other, blasted me for stating that I do not allow political talk, yet I post about a political issue. "This is not a political issue, it's an issue, I stated, nothing to do with your party affiliation"... but, no, I got blasted somemore. To say I was livid is the understatement of the year.
These people showed a heart of stone, and I told them that I duly noted the fact that they don't care about the disabled community and then I further stated that if they want to talk politics on the list SO BAD that they blast me and manipulate a post in being political, then to, by all means, go ahead and start talking politics all they want, to go right ahead.

Sickening... sickening... sickening... ugh!!!
Silvia

What an awful day this is. Let's mark April 20th, 2004 as a day to forget.



This morning I sadly found out that a little girl, all of 8 years old with RDEB like my son, passed away this past Friday after they stopped her blood transfusions because they were just too painful and they weren't stabilizing her. She died 2 days later. This of course hits me like a ton of bricks because my son has the same form of EB, he is 7 years old, and while his anemia problems are so far under control (barely...), it's scary to think that Nicky might have the same fate... I just can't think about it... let's just say I wish to ignore what could be a devastating future and live day to day.... ugh...

Then this afternoon I got an email from my mom to sadly tell me that my best friend in Italy died of a brain tumor. She had only found out she had the tumor a few months ago and we knew it was lethal... still, this is a big blow to me, I can't stop crying. She was only 38 years old and had a little girl that was only 2.5 years old. She had gone through 7 years of infertility to have her baby girl only to die when the baby is soo young... life just isn't fair.
What makes matters worse is the fact that she died on February 29th, which means that if this year wouldn't have been a leap year, she would have died on the same day Alex did. I don't know how to feel about it... warm that Alex was there to greet her? Creepy? I don't really know.
While we were best friends as teenagers and wrote to each other countless letters after I moved to the U.S., before I found out about her cancer, in early 2002, I was upset with her for her lack of compassion toward my loss of Alex and how sick Nicky was. He never wanted to talk about either. For Xmas 2001, when it went to Italy to visit my family, she came to see us and never once did she acknowledge Nicky, all she wanted to talk about was herself. This was annoying at the time, but what got me really upset one day was the fact that she was very snotty in an email she wrote me, telling me how come I never told her that I was getting married... what? Greg is all I talked about to everyone for the past several years, the wedding date had been set for months and we had planned a wedding for years, so for her to say 'why didn't you tell me' told me that she was so wrapped up in her own life to really pay attention to what was going on in anyone elses. It also bothered me that she never once replied to my emails, she always wrote new ones, never answering questions or anything, she only talked about herself.

This was not the Paola I knew, and if I would have known then what I know now, I would have realized that years and years of infertility had truly scarred her, plus she was possibly feeling the unknown sympoms of the brain tumors.

I wrote her a long, very long letter (not an email) when I found out about the tumor, telling her I cared about her, to please write me, but she never did reply.

I wish I would have known, in that winter day 2001, that I would never see her again... sigh...

Would you believe?

Yes, I am the latest victim of Identity Theft. Hard for me to believe that I was singled out by seemingly a complete "local" stranger for them to impersonate me and open at least 2 cellular phone accounts. Who knows what else? For now the two cellular accounts have been suspended and are being investigated. I am not responsible for the charges. But there is yet another inquiry to my credit report that I won't know more details about until next week, and I hope it's not going to be something "bad". Ugh.. like I need something else on my plate to deal with... never a dull moment, I swear.

On a positive note, Nicky got his power chair today.. yey! It looks awesome and he loves it. He did not want to get off it, ha ha. I am sure it will get a LOT of use!!

Silvia

I just don't get it.

There are so many people out there who simply want to downplay my son's condition that is rather sickening.

First is my son's pediatrician. She always thinks my son can just be cared for 'anywhere' by 'anybody', even tricky and downright dangerous surgeries. Yes, why make sure Nicky gets approved to see the EB experts at Stanford where he can be treated with respect and care by a staff that knows everything about EB when there are so many people down at LA's Children's Hospital that can operate on him that have never touched, let alone seen an EB child? RIGHT!!! Thank you so much Nicky's pediatrician for never having the best interest of my child at heart. You have no idea how much I appreciate it... NOT@!!

Then there are those that feel that I am 'overwrapping' my child. Oh really? This is based on what? Is it possibly based on the fact that your child is less severe and can handle not being wrapped? Maybe your child is severe too, but you just like to see your child completely covered in scars? Who are you to tell me what to do? My Nicky could not handle being unwrapped. The Debra Nurse told me I am doing a great job, and supports wrapping. If I was to keep Nicky unwrapped, I would not be surprised if Child Protective Services would come to my door after I sent Nicky to school to take Nicky away from me. Yes, that is because that would be child abuse, plain and simple.

CAN I SCREAM??? AAAGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
Silvia

I am so mad right now I could spit nails.

Nicky's g-tube fell out on Saturday morning and I took him to the ER. Because of my son's fragile skin, the ER was not able to transfer Nicky to any hospital because every hospital they called either did not have a Pediatric GI on staff, or refused to take Nicky due to his skin condition. The tube was put in originally at Stanford, where the EB clinic is located.
I think the most devastating thought to me at the moment is that the insurance/medical group is just totally denying Stanford for Nicky, and yesterday morning I was so upset I was ready to scream. I took the ER's sheet to Nicky's pediatrician with all the 'refusals' and basically told her that they had no choice but approve Stanford, but, NOOOO. She told me that there was no way they were going to approve Stanford and the only way I could EVER go there is if I *MOVED* in the Stanford's area. AARRGH!! Oh Really? I told her. How come when I lived in Arizona they approved Stanford? How come when I lived in California City they approved Stanford?
She had no come back so she told me that if this would have happened to her child she would not have taken him to the local hospital's ERs but she would have taken him to the Los Angeles Children's Hospital's ER ~and~ if I would have called her office, the DR on call certainly would have told me to drive the hour and a half down there instead of the local hospital. OH REALLY? Well lady, I DID call your office, and the Dr on call DID NOT tell me to drive down there. She had no come back for that one either, but I was so mad that she was treating me with absolutely NO respect and treating Nicky like any other child that I vowed to either prove her wrong and make her look like a total idiot, or drop her and change pediatrician. After all, she is not acting in the best interest of my son. Period.

SO.... yesterday I spent the next 8 hours in YET another Emergency Room (not counting the driving time), this time at the Los Angeles Children's Hospital. The pediatric Dr that took care of Nicky had taken care of 3 other RDEB children before so I felt more at ease. Because Nicky still had a very, very tiny hole, they were able to squeeze in a very small tube. Their plan was to slowly increase the size to the normal 14 french. Instead, after their best efforts, the biggest they could manage to put in was an 8. An 8 is still pretty small, but big enough to do the night feedings. This tube, although working good, is only a temporary solution until they can put a regular mic-key back in. However, not only her, but two other Pediatric ER Doctors and two RNs were just baffled that the insurance/medical group is denying Stanford for Nicky. So.. they wrote a script for Dr Castillo to finish up the job and do a dilatation to put back in a 14 french. They did not feel there was any Pediatric GI at that hospital that could properly care for Nicky, and, even so, the only one that would 'possibly' be able to do the job has no openings until JULY!!! Will the Pediatrician put the referral for Stanford to do it? Probably not, and that's where I can call the medical group, the insurance and whoever I can to let them know how she is not properly caring for my child and by denying Stanford continuously she is also endangering my son's life. I am telling you now, I am so upset with her!! Nicky's dad told me (jokingly) that he will go see her with a gun. I will no longer take her BS. That's it! I've had it!!!

Like EB is not hard enough to live with, the only thing I ask if for my son to be able to go see the specialist, why do I feel like I am asking for the moon? AARRGHHH

How bizarre is this?

I just love American Idol, so I am on the chat board for that show. Someone made a comment that one of the contestant had more of a ... ghetto attitude than the other contestants. Some got upset at this comment and came to the conclusion that this person making this 'ghetto' comment was a racist. Geez! That is not what ghetto means at all. To me ghetto, like I explained, is more of a general term for people that have a lower income, lower middle class basically. I was blasted for that, some people said it was 'offensive'. What the heck is offensive about being lower middle class? I was just making a statement, stating how things are, and explaining what the word meant into a broader sense, I was not trying to offend anyone! I think the original poster meant 'ghetto' as another way of saying 'urban', the people that grow up in lower income neighborhood pick up mannerism and attitudes that are simply different than those that grow up in Beverly Hills for example. There is nothing bad or negative about that, is just how things are. Some people need to stop being offended at every little word! Good flipping grief!!!

I haven't updated my blogger in sometime... my little one keeps me busy for sure!

This past week one event that really got me all upset was the way I was treated on a certain soap's message board. It is unthinkable to me how fans of a specific character... a character that has so many faults and has so much baggage, her virtues are literally non-existent... like to make their heroine (heroine? Please) look 'better' (which is a feat in itself) by 'trashing' all the other characters. Characters that for the most part are really good! But this heroine's fans need to bring up stuff that supposedly happened a decade or two.. (or four!) ago just to make these other characters look bad end up looking like total losers themselves. What a pity. Why would anyone want to defend a character that has no morals nor values is totally beyond me! Oh well! Whatever!

The Europeans must be laughing at us... And if they aren't, well, they should. I grew up in Europe, so I should know. Why? For two main reasons:
1. The Janet Jackson boob thing. Give me a break. All this hoop-la-la for a breast who's nipple was covered to begin with? If this had happened at an European event, nobody would have given it a second thought. Why? Because in Europe nudity is everywhere. On TV (many commercials show naked women) and in magazines, the woman's body is not considered "obscene", is considered a work of art. Go to any museum and you will see dozens upon dozens of naked ladies in paintings and statues. Breastfeeding is revered and never considered inappropriate. Ever. In my view, children are more traumatized by violence and body mutilation... That new MILK commercial where the man's arms come off is a lot more disturbing than Janet's boob by a mile!
2. The Atkins diet-or the 'let's get rid of carbs to lose weight' faze we're in. They even sell hamburgers wrapped in lettuce so we won't eat the bread. ARE WE KIDDING? I grew up in Europe, in Italy to be exact, and Italians buy fresh bread every single day, they have cookies or a pastry for breakfast, pasta every single day, yet... I will dare anyone to go to Italy and find me an obese person. Sure, there are overweight people, but those 90-100+lb overweight people simply do not exist. Why? Because Italians eat at meals, don't believe in snacking and don't eat until they burst. They also believe in eating lots of fruits and vegetables.
Let's put the blame for Americans being overweight where it belongs-in the potato chips, in the twinkies, in the large meals, in people loving fast food (which is bad for you) and not eating enough fruits and vegetables. Blaming bread and pasta is pathetic! I am Italian, I should know! I would never go without my carbs, yet I am thin... hmmmm...

Well well well... I learned something about myself today and I am not sure how I feel about it.
I was entering just another online sweepstakes (my secret passion, I love winning stuff!) and this particular sweeps asked what Reality TV show I was currently watching... Hmmm... The Apprentice... check... American Idol... check... The Bachelorette... check... America's Next Top Model... check... My big fat obnoxious fiancee'... check... Average Joe... check... Survivor... check.
Did I really check all of them? OMG. I must be the reality show Queen!
This made me start thinking about my viewing habits and how they've changed over the years. I used to really like dramatic shows, but nowadays the only drama I can handle is CSI and CSI Miami and Whitout a Trace. I do watch Star Trek, of course, but other than that... it's all comedies. Friends, Frasier, Sex and the City are musts (and they are all ending this season! Booo!!!), and then there's Raymond, Still Standing, Life with Bonnie, Hope and Faith, Yes Dear, 8 simple rules and I could go on... I watch them all. I didn't used to be such comedy and reality show freak until I lost Alex. At first I felt like I lost all interest in everything when he died, but slowly I started realizing there was nothing better than a laugh to make my life just a little more bearable, so that's when it started. While I always watched Star Trek, it's only been since 2001 that I started watching a drama (CSI), so it took me 6 years from Alex's death to be able to come out of my 'shell' so to speak. Over the years I tried to start watching dramas, but somehow I could only do it if there was someone else watching that show.. whatever show..., wether it was Touched by An Angel, ER or the X-Files. But if I was by myself at home, I would not watch those shows.
I had read somewhere that it takes 9 years for a parent to.. not get over (because we'll never get over it) but to regain somehow that happiness that we used to have before our baby died. Well, on March 1st it will be 9 years. Am I almost as happy as I used to be before Alex died? Hmmm... I must say, Connor helped a lot in that respect. Greg did too. Without them, I am not sure I could say I was happy. Nicky makes me happy, but he also makes me sad with all his health problems... Life can really suck!

Here's my new Blog for Sometimes Blue after having not posted much at all the past year and a half or so. I write so much that in the past year and a half I started a column (Special Mommy Chornicles) and I also run a commentary for my favorite soap, The Bold and the Beautiful and American Idol. I also post on my sons websites to update their growth and progress. I don't know how often I will post on this new 'toy' for me, but when I do, it will be interesting, I promise!!